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Previous Issues


Sharing Our Blessings (11/4/00)

In her wonderful book, The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude, Sarah Ban Breathnach tells the delightful story of two farmers, both poor, who were walking along an old country road, when they passed by their beloved rabbi.

To the first farmer, the rabbi endearingly said, "Times are tough, my dear friend. How are you doing?" "Awful," replied the farmer. "The economy is bad. I barely have food for my family. And it looks like the rains will never arrive. Life is lousy."

Now God happened to be eavesdropping on this conversation and thought to himself, "Lousy, eh? I’ll show you what lousy is!"

The rabbi then asked the second farmer, "So, my friend, how are you doing in these difficult times?" "Great, Rabbi! Things couldn’t be better. Every day brings new joy and blessings with my friends and family. I’m so grateful for the gift that each day brings, for I know, rain or shine, all will unfold as God, in his infinite greatness knows best."

The man’s deep gratitude soared into the celestial spheres to resonate with the harmony of the heavenly hosts. God, hearing the farmer’s gracious response, smiled with delight, "Good? You think your life is good now? I’ll show you what good is!"

As we approach this Thanksgiving holiday, let us all take a moment to be mindful of the many blessings we enjoy in life: family, friends, a roof over our heads, a car that runs, a warm shower in the morning and food on our tables. These simple blessings represent a level of abundance that enriches us far beyond the level of countless other less fortunate people, who live in poverty and pain, cold and hunger, with few to no material comforts.

We all -- so easily -- gravitate towards what is lacking in our lives, towards the difficulties we face and the disappointments we must endure. Our appetite for "more" is insatiable. We want the newest car, the biggest house, the finest food, the fastest computer and the biggest paycheck possible. In the pursuit of more, however, we end up with less. We lose our connection to what is truly important in our lives. We lose precious time with family and friends. We lose a sense of calm and serenity. We lose the simple joy of living. We lose an appreciation of our many blessings. In these matters, the spiritual scales concur that more is sometimes less.

Our body also pays a heavy price for our indulgence in "more." In the endless pursuit of material comfort and gain, we forget to exercise, eat fast food and ignore our body’s need for sleep, play and relaxation. Our body becomes locked in a permanent state of "fight or flight," spilling toxic stress hormones into our bloodstream and tissues. In this toxic spill, we suffer from autoimmune disorders, chronic fatigue, irritable bowel syndrome, headaches and allergies.

Gratitude balances our insatiable hunger for "more," allowing us a critical time-out to appreciate what we have. The heart must beat, then pause to fill up, then beat again in order to fulfill it’s destiny. Gratitude is the pause between beats, the vital time for "filling up," and appreciating all the goodness that flows into our lives, that allows our soul to fulfill it’s destiny. In gratitude, we nurture our soul and purify our body.

As we express our gratitude this Thanksgiving, remember that gratitude is one of those few, special things in life that increases as we give it away. Most things in life are diminished as we give them away. For instance, if we take a delicious pumpkin pie and give a quarter of it away, we are left with only three-quarters, less than our original whole. Gratitude, however, is different.

Gratitude is an energy of the spiritual world, more like the flame of a candle. As we "give away" our gratitude -- our flame -- by lighting other candles, the amount of light -- or gratitude -- we experience increases. In fact, with our single flame, we can light an unlimited number of other candles, helping to illuminate the world with our gratitude. The more we are grateful for -- that is, the more we "give away" our flame -- the greater the light we have with which to see the many truly wondrous gifts we have to be grateful for.

We can express our gratitude – and light another’s candle -- in two main ways:

1. Through words

2. Through deeds

Gentle and encouraging words of thanks, praise or appreciation touch the heart of another, igniting their flame and enlightening their life. Charitable deeds and acts of loving kindness, through the fire of their intent, also light another’s candle.

The esteemed Chassidic teacher Rabbi Menachem Schneerson in his book In The Garden of the Torah (p. 133), teaches this Talmudic passage:

"A person who gives a coin to a poor person is granted six blessings; one who gratifies him is blessed elevenfold." (Talmud: Bava Basra 9b)

What we mean by "gratifies" is giving a person a positive feeling about him or herself -- showing that we truly care about them as a fellow human being. Though giving charity to the poor is an admirable form of gratitude, expressing a deep sense of appreciation and love for another person is a form of gratitude that returns even greater blessings.

We must remember to render gratitude both through deeds: giving to the poor and needy, helping the elderly cross the street, visiting the sick in the hospital; and through words: telling others we love them, expressing our appreciation to friends and speaking kindly towards others. We can also express our gratitude to God through both deeds: following his commandments, studying his word, practicing kindness and charity towards others; and through words: praising God through prayer, song and meditation for all the goodness he bestows upon us.

Let us nurture our body and nurture our soul this Thanksgiving by expressing our appreciation to all those we love and care for, as well as to all those who are less fortunate than ourselves. Do so in both words and in deed. In this way, we will realize the true spirit of this season, by helping to make the world a kinder, more loving and more beautiful world in which to live.

PERSONAL NOTE:   After I wrote this newsletter yesterday, it started me thinking what I could personally do to make this Thanksgiving special. I decided that -- as a small token of my gratitude -- I would personally give $5 to every patient I saw in my office today (the day before Thanksgiving) and ask them to donate the money to someone who needed it more than we did, as a token of our appreciation for all the goodness we enjoy in our lives. The second patient I shared this with took the money with a smile on her face, said "What a great idea! I will match it with $5 of my own and give it to someone in need." I thanked her and thought to myself: "What a wonderful demonstration of how gratitude increases as we give it away!" God bless you all. Happy Thanksgiving.


Volume 2: Issue 2   Copyright 4/1/00

A Reminder to Love

When we wake up to go to work in the morning, we all expect -- without a second thought -- to return home to our families and loved ones when the workday is complete. When we excitedly leave on vacation for a well-deserved rest from life's everyday struggles, we all expect -- without a second thought -- to return home, back to the stacks of mail and unfinished business we so willingly left behind. Everyone aboard Alaska Airlines Flight 261 expected -- without a second thought -- to return home on January 31, 2000, when they boarded their flight in Puerto Vallarta.

The tragic and unexpected loss of life leaves us feeling empty and defenseless against life's inexplicable injustices. Reading through the list of passengers and crew, I felt a deep grief, a hollow emptiness resonate within me. The faces behind the names were all too familiar -- husbands and wives, parents and children, friends and companions. These could have been our names, our faces. These were people just like you and I -- loving and kind people, enjoying special moments together.

How do we make sense of such a tragedy? How do we reconcile the unjust fate of these innocent people? At best, we try to explain it through some strange process of intellectualization, rationalization or practical realism. But the truth is, we cannot make sense of it, and it leaves us feeling a little less secure, a little less safe, a little less protected.

I first heard the news of the crash as I was listening to the radio on my drive home from work. Instantly, my heart sank and my thoughts raced to my dear friend Del, who is a pilot for Alaska Airlines. Troubled that perhaps it was Del who was piloting the downed airline, I rushed home, ran inside and quickly dialed the phone number I know so well. After five interminably long rings, Del finally answered, and with the sound of his voice, I felt a curiously self-indulgent relief, knowing that my friend was okay.

Del told me that the two pilots, Captain Ted Thompson and First Officer William Tansky, were his long-time friends and pilots of impeccable ability. I shared my deepest sympathy for his loss. Then, I took a moment to express to Del how much I treasured his friendship and -- though I felt a bit selfish -- how grateful I was that he was safe. Over the next week, I had a chance to talk with Del more about his feelings. Though he still suffers a penetrating sense of pain and loss, he seems also to exhibit a calming sense of strength and hope. From his deep loss, Del quietly consoles the rest of us, saying, "Life is so fragile. It can all be taken away in a moment's notice, without warning. It just teaches us that we must enjoy each and every moment we have."

We never really do know when it will all be taken away. We postpone our joy so readily, waiting for the next promotion, the next house, the next car -- hoping that these things will fill us with some sense of accomplishment, some measure of happiness. In this spirit, Del is determined to stop waiting for "someday," and start living fully now -- remembering what is truly important: the love, laughter, connection and simple kindness we share with family and friends.

As I was trying to understand this tragedy, I came across an ancient story about a devout Rabbi who was condemned to death by the Romans for teaching the Torah to his students. The Torah, which is the first five books of the Old Testament, is considered to represent the word of God embodied in physical form. As such, every letter and every word inscribed in the Torah scrolls represent God's eternal holiness. In meeting out his death sentence, the Romans wrapped the Rabbi in a Torah scroll and set it on fire. At the height of the Rabbi's agony, his students yelled out to him "Rabbi, what do you see?" The Rabbi answered, "The parchments are consumed, and the letters fly up to heaven."

So holy are the words of God that -- though flames can destroy the parchment and ink they are written with -- the letters themselves return home to heaven. So too with the holiness embodied in the lives of the 88 people tragically lost in the crash of Alaska Airlines Flight 261. Their sacred essence returns home, but the love, the joy and the kindness they imparted to friends and family lives on.

Healing - on every level - demands that we come to terms with loss and uncertainty. We have no sure immunity from life's tragic circumstances - illness, accident and loss. We do, however, have freedom to choose how we respond to these uncertainties. We can allow fear to defeat us, turning our dreams into darkness by extinguishing the light of hope. Or we can rekindle that light and overwhelm our fear by living life fully - appreciating each precious moment as the gift that it is. True healing inspires us to remember that love is greater than loss, prayer is greater than pain, hope is greater than uncertainty.

Let us honor the memory of those who lost their lives by saying a prayer for them and their loved ones, and by letting the fragileness of life remind us to love and cherish each precious moment we have together with those we love and care for. Embrace your child today and tell them how much you love them. Hug your spouse (or significant other) today and tell them how much they mean to you. Call a friend today and let them know how much you treasure their friendship. Pass this reminder on today to someone you care about.


Volume 1: Issue 6   Copyright 8/1/99

Few of us can imagine the courage, fortitude and inner resolve necessary to engage in—and endure—the daunting battle against cancer. The mere diagnosis of cancer exacts a tremendous toll on our sense of self, attacking the very foundation of our being. When that cancer is advanced and metastatic—having spread to the abdomen, lungs and brain—the diagnosis is even more devastating, obscuring even the faintest ray of hope. Unless, of course, your name is Lance Armstrong.

Lance Armstrong was diagnosed at age 25 with testicular cancer. At the time of diagnosis, his doctors discovered the cancer had spread to his abdomen, lungs (where there were approximately twelve golf-ball size tumor masses) and his brain. The doctors gave Lance less than a 40% chance of survival. When interviewed later, his doctors admit that 40% was very optimistic—to some degree, they wanted to keep Lance’s hope alive.

It worked. Not only did they keep his hope alive, they set it afire. Armstrong himself says "If there’s one thing I say to those who use me as their example, it’s that if you ever get a second chance in life, you’ve got to go all the way." With his competitive athletic spirit, Lance Armstrong rose to the occasion. People magazine authors Alex Tresniowski, Cathy Nolan and Anne Lang reported that "Armstrong responded by treating the illness as if it were life’s ultimate race." This is a serving metaphor. In preparation for this ultimate race, Armstrong stretched his mind by researching his illness and seeking out the best information available. He flexed his emotional muscle and summoned all his inner resources for healing. He sought out the U.S.’s top testicular cancer specialists, Lawrence Einhorn and Craig Nichols, and forged a working partnership with them, choosing the best treatment options available.

With intense determination, Armstrong began the race against cancer, one fraught with uphill climbs and dangerous hairpin curves. After two surgeries (one to remove his cancerous left testicle and one to remove the metastatic lesions in his brain), three rounds of chemotherapy, total loss of his hair and 15 pounds of weight loss—Armstrong arrived at the finish line with the greatest of victories—the pronouncement that he was free of cancer. His story is a source of inspiration to all.

But there is more. Armstrong was determined to cross one more finish line —the Tour de France, cyclings’ most intense race—trekking over 2, 200 miles of mountainous French countryside. Only three years after his initial diagnosis of cancer, Armstrong crossed his second finish line victorious—winning the fastest race in the Tour’s history with the largest margin of victory ever.

As triumphant as Armstrong’s effort was, he was also blessed with a bit of luck, and he is ever mindful of that fact. When asked about his success over cancer Armstrong said, "I know you have to do research, go on the Internet, look for the second opinion, then the third, find out all your options. I also know you have to be lucky. That’s probably as important as anything. I was very lucky."

When dealing with life-threatening illness, we are all too aware of the many, many courageous people who—in spite of their fighting spirit and deep determination—succumb to their illness and die from their disease. We are all too aware that not every illness can be cured. Sometimes the victory lies in the courage we bring to the race. Sometimes the victory lies in the elevation of the human spirit that comes from our innermost effort to heal. Sometimes the victory lies in the quality of love and dignity with which we face illness, disease, loss and death. Sometimes, with God’s grace and sheer determination, the victory lies in crossing the finish line first. For this we stand and applaud the Lance Armstrongs’ of the world.

Norman Cousins, the great humanitarian, once said, "Time provides only a technical measurement of how long we live. Far more important than the ticking of time is the way we open up the minutes and invest them with meaning." Let us all applaud the fighting spirit of all those who never cross the finish line, but, nonetheless, demonstrate the kind of courage, determination and dignity which ignite the human spirit, illuminate the world and allow us all to be winners in the most important race of our lives—to fully embrace life and to help make the world a more loving and beautiful place in which to live.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK: Lance Armstrong "My story shows that you not only can return to life, but you can return to a better way of life." My recovery "sends a message that cancer is not a death sentence. There’s no question I’m stronger physically now than I was before." "If I never had cancer, I never would have won the Tour de France. I’m convinced of that." "I’m aware of the cancer community wherever I go. I could feel it at the Tour. People would come up to me before the races or after races. I could feel it during the races. It’s a community of shared experience. If you’ve ever belonged, you never leave."


Volume 2: Issue 2   Copyright 4/25/00

James Pennebaker, Professor of Psychology at Southern Methodist University and author of Opening Up: The Healing Power of Confiding in Others is a pioneer in the area of medical research regarding the healing power of journaling. His findings reveal that writing about traumatic experiences for as little as fifteen minutes a day for four days can reduce physician visits for illness, improve serum immune function and enhance work performance. (Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology; 1988; 56; 239-245).

When asked why journaling improves our health, Pennebaker replies that disclosure "helps us find meaning in complicated life circumstances . . . writing helps to reconstruct painful thoughts and images into a story or narrative. Once we can give an upsetting event some degree of structure with a clear beginning, middle and an end we are better able to move past it."

One of the basic premises of mind/body medicine is that all our thoughts and feelings are chemical. Every thought we have, every feeling we experience, every attitude we hold translates itself into a complex pattern of chemical release and nerve cell firing. These complex patterns result in the release of neuropeptides, which are the chemical messengers of thought, feeling, attitude and belief. When we journal about traumatic life events and reconstruct the painful thoughts and images associated with those events, we are, in fact, changing the very essence of our biochemistry. We are, in fact, changing the very structure and pattern of brain cell activity.

When we restructure or reframe a traumatic life event and give it a beginning, middle and end, we create new understandings and new beliefs that free us from feeling at the mercy of that event. The resulting positive emotions create powerful chemical messages that activate our internal healing system and liberate us from the sense of helplessness and hopelessness that often precede illness. In the words of Norman Cousins, "Hope, faith, love, the will to live, playfulness, purpose and determination are powerful biochemical prescriptions."

Another study from North Dakota State University by Joshua Smyth, Ph.D., (JAMA April 14, 1999; Vol.281, No.14, 1304-1309) looked at 107 patients with asthma or rheumatoid arthritis in order to determine whether journaling about stressful life experiences affected their disease status. Patients were assigned to write either about the most stressful event of their lives (the treatment group) or about emotionally neutral topics (the control group). Results showed that four months after treatment, asthma patients in the treatment group showed a 20% improvement in lung function, whereas patients in the control group showed no improvement. Rheumatoid arthritis patients in the treatment group showed a 28% reduction in disease severity, whereas control group patients showed no change. Of interest is that both groups were asked to write for only twenty minutes on three consecutive days.

We can only imagine the benefits of consistent journaling involving a deeper disclosure of our fear, hurt, resentment, shame and anger. By utilizing the journaling methods we are about to describe, we can begin to triumph over negative beliefs and find a greater source of strength, love and hope within. This strength, this love and this hope create powerful biochemical messengers for reducing stress and improving our physical health, emotional and spiritual well being.

The above is an excerpt from Dr. Neimark’s new book: The Handbook of Journaling: Tools for the Healing of Mind, Body & Spirit. (Second Edition)

HUMOROUS STORY OF THE MONTH: Once upon a time, there was an intellectual who thought he could learn everything by reading. He read a book on astronomy and became an astronomer. He read a book on biology and became a biologist. He read a book on swimming and he drowned!

Editor’s Comment: Just as looking at a set of weights will not strengthen our biceps, reading about journaling will not build our emotional strength or increase our capacity to love. We must actually journal—put the words to the page—in order to develop the strength and love necessary for healing. Putting words to our thoughts and feelings, and writing those words on the page, changes our biochemistry and heals us, physically, emotionally and spiritually.


Volume 1: Issue 1 Ó 2/15/99

There are some books we keep by the bedside for "instant inspiration" in a world filled with too much uncertainty and confusion. One such book is entitled Small Miracles: Extraordinary Coincidences from Everyday Life by Yitta Halberstam and Judith Leventhal (Ó 1997, Adams Media Corporation, Holbrook, MA ISBN: 1-55850-646-2). In the preface to this wonderful book, Bernie Siegel, M.D., the famous Yale author and surgeon tells an extraordinary story about one of his patients.

This patient of Dr. Siegel’s had an appointment with another doctor on what was a very busy day. The doctor was running late and the waiting room was filled with upset patients. As the wait grew longer and longer, many patients became impatient, leaving the office in order to keep other appointments and obligations. Dr. Siegel’s patient was tempted to leave as well, but "something" compelled him to stay and wait it out. As the minutes passed, more and more patients decided to leave. Repeatedly staring at his watch, Dr. Siegel’s patient began to doubt the wisdom of his decision to wait. Finally, after waiting a full two hours, the nurse arrived at the door to the waiting room and called his name, "Kirimedjian!"

The patient, delighted, jumped to his feet, only to notice another man simultaneously jump to his feet from the other side of the waiting room! Both men looked at each other, somewhat stunned. Realizing this was too much of a coincidence to share such an unusual name, they approached one another to inquire as to their respective identities. The patient was astonished to discover that the man on the other side of the room was his father, whom he hadn’t seen in 22 years.

As the story goes, when the patient was a young child, his parents had divorced. At that time his father was an abusive, alcoholic parent and had been denied any visitation rights. The patient grew up, never knowing his father. Now after 22 years, an opportunity for reconciliation was possible, all due to the patient’s unexplainable impulse to wait it out!

So often in life, we want things to run on our schedule, in our time. Bernie Siegel often speaks of "universal time", the idea that the universe has a schedule for us. Sometimes, getting where we think we must get to is not the place we need to be. This is perhaps why God arranges flat tires, misplaced car keys, traffic jams and the like. We need to be open to allowing things to unfold in a way that we can see the good (reuniting with an estranged father) even in the bad (having to wait 2 hours to see the doctor).

My Peruvian wife, Marta, often tells me of a wonderful saying in Spanish: "El hombre propone y Dios dispone." This translates roughly: "Man plans, God decides." We need to make room for "universal time". Sometimes, we need to stop rushing and listen for the greater good in what appears to be a frustrating, inconvenient or disturbing event. We need to be open to the coincidences in our lives in order to understand the greater meaning possible. Sometimes getting a cold that won’t go away and drains our energy (bad thing) can help us to slow down and take the needed rest we have been denying ourselves (a good thing).

Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes a flat tire is just a flat tire. Sometimes a traffic jam is just an annoying traffic jam. But by becoming open to the possibility that it may be more, a new world of coincidence opens up to us, and small miracles can begin to happen.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Mother Theresa: "I know that God would not give me anything I could not handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much!"


Volume 1: Issue 1 Ó 2/15/99

Last Friday night, my wife and I had the pleasure of hearing a great Rabbinical scholar, Rabbi Joshua Haberman, speak on how to achieve greater intimacy with God. He recounted a thought-provoking story about a father and his young child on an evening trip to an amusement park. So that his son could see better, the father propped his young child upon his shoulders. Dazzled by the flashing lights, the loud music and the joyous shouts of the winning game players, the young child quickly became "lost" in all the excitement.

After a few moments of being completely absorbed, the child suddenly felt startled, thinking he was lost and alone in the midst of this large crowd of people. "Daddy, Daddy!" the young child screamed, "Where’s my Daddy?" The child’s father lovingly looked up with comforting eyes, patting his child reassuringly on the back saying "Son, Son, it’s okay. I’m right here! You’re resting upon my shoulders. Did you forget?"

What a magical story! What a beautiful reminder for each one of us when we may feel lost in our lives. In the rush of daily living, we become lost in our work, in our drive for success. We become lost in our responsibilities and in our "special" problems. We become lost in our fears and in our worries. We become lost in our sense of inadequacy. We become lost in our inability to control the outcome of events in our lives. We become lost in the realization that we cannot always protect the ones we love. We feel alone and afraid at times.

Like the startled young child, we cry out for comfort and reassurance that we are not alone. Completely absorbed in our own lives, we too easily forget we are more than our work. We are more than our problems. We are more than our fear. We are more than our aloneness. We forget that we are a part of something greater than ourselves. We forget that we all rest upon the shoulders of friends, angels, mentors and loved ones who carry us, hold us, support us and guide us in times of need.

Remembering we are not alone activates the miraculous healing system that lies within each one of us. There is a wonderful study published by House and colleagues in Science 1988 (House, JS; Robbins C; Metzner HL) which shows that the odds of dying at a certain age are significantly related to what researchers call "social integration" i.e., feeling a part of a family or a social network. Being connected to people, to other human beings, to something greater than ourselves reduces age-adjusted mortality. Remembering we are not alone allows us to feel connected to family, community and God. This connection is a powerful link to our own healing, physically, emotionally and spiritually. In fact, House and colleagues found that a lack of social integration is associated with about a twofold increase in age adjusted mortality. This is the same magnitude as the relationship between smoking and death from lung cancer.

Let us be mindful of the miraculous healing power of remembering we are not alone. Take a moment NOW to render gratitude to each and every friend, teacher, mentor, loved one and spiritual force who has carried you on their shoulders. Then, when they are feeling lost, lift them upon your shoulders and reassuringly remind them you are right here for them and they are not alone.


Volume 1: Issue 2   Copyright 4/1/99

We all work hard. In our jobs, our families, our relationships and in pursuing our dreams and passions. We hope that what we do makes a difference. We hope that our efforts bring about the achievement of our goals and in the process, greater love, compassion, joy and understanding in our lives and the lives of those we touch.

As a physician, I am lucky. I have the opportunity to help people heal, reduce their pain and prevent illness. Almost every day I feel more alive and vital at the end of the day than I do when I first get out of bed in the morning. But that is an inner feeling of aliveness that comes from knowing I have made a difference, knowing that helping others matters. In the outer world, things are different. Most often the day is filled with too many patients and too few appointment slots. Complaints about HMO's, insurance bills, costs of prescriptions and waiting too long for appointments seem to over shadow the true healing and connection that can take place in the doctor/patient relationship.

Every now and then, however, a beautiful gift comes to remind us that our work matters, that what we do is important, that we can make a difference in the world. One such gift came to me recently in the form of an e-mail from a woman named Vicki. She wrote to tell me about a guided relaxation tape that I made in order to help patients recover more quickly from surgery. I'd like to share with you the letter I received. It went like this:

"I want to let you know that your tape has helped my brother tremendously. Gene has been in a wheelchair since 1985. He has had many, many operations for his back, bedsores and as of just a few days ago he had his second leg amputated due to a bone infection. I found your web site a few weeks ago and when I found out he was going to have surgery I ordered your information. He has had trouble in the past with the anesthesia. This time he has breezed through (in comparison to his four other surgeries.) He didn't get sick and got to eat within 2-3 hours after. He really has done extremely well and raves about the tape to the medical staff. He could be your poster boy. Thanks again so much. I hope you can get your message out there to the medical community. My brother, my family and I will sure be helping. Thanks so much!! Vickie."

There is a great joy in knowing that something we have done has touched another's life. I remember an old Talmudic saying that goes roughly "He who saves one life, it is as if he saved the entire world." My heart is opened by Vicki's letter and for the moment, I feel complete, satisfied that all the hard work is worth it.

We can all benefit by taking a moment to share our deepest thanks to those people who have touched our lives. Too often, we get lost in the hustle and bustle of daily living and forget to give thanks to those who help make our lives a little easier, a little richer in love and in laughter. Gratitude is good for the giver, good for the receiver and good for the world. Though we may not all be healers and doctors, we can all "save" a life, by offering thanks and gratitude to those who help guide us, heal us and support us. Then it will be as if we have saved the entire world.


Volume 1: Issue 3 Copyright 5/1/99

I saw an amazing story on Dateline NBC several months ago. At the height of his career, a motocross racer named David Bailey crashed his bike, crushed his lower thoracic vertebrae and was paralyzed from the waist down. David had invested his whole being into motocross racing. He felt most alive and intensely connected to life when he was racing and he was good at it. The loss was too great for David and he slipped into a deep depression. Two years after the accident he was lifeless with no ambition or vitality for living. All that he loved had been taken from him.

Fearing he would never recover, family and friends who knew and loved David put him in touch with a man named Jim Kanaab. Like David, Jim was a competitive athlete, a championship pole-vaulter, who was paralyzed in a car accident when he was at the height of his athletic career. Unlike David, Jim seemed to have an invincible spirit, came to terms with his paralysis and became a competitive wheelchair marathon athlete. Jim even designed his own special wheelchair for racing. Jim's sense of aliveness was contagious and eventually David caught it. (Some things contagious are good to catch.) David began finding a new sense of meaning in his life. The two started training together for marathon competitions. David still remembers Jim's first comments to him regarding his disability, "Why walk when you can fly?" Feeling he could compete again, David regained a sense of vitality and aliveness. The NBC commentator stated eloquently that "David's legs still didn't work but he was no longer paralyzed." What a tribute to the resiliency of the human spirit. The love, friendship and competitive aliveness of one man, Jim Kanaab, helped rekindle the light of David Bailey's spirit for life, which had been extinguished by an unforeseen and unpredictable stroke of fate.

We all need friends and mentors to inspire us and give us hope and strength in meeting life's uncertainties and tragedies. We sometimes forget the simple miracle of waking up healthy every morning with an opportunity to live, to grow and to create a more beautiful loving world in which to live. We all have our obstacles, our disabilities in life, but we need not be paralyzed by them. We can each find a deeper sense of purpose and meaning in life by coming to terms with our limitations and then finding the joyous expanse of possibility even within our limited humanness. We can begin by simply appreciating the blessings we do have in our lives rather than focusing on that which is missing. This appreciation leads us to the true freedom of the human spirit, the freedom to create a more loving and compassionate world even in the midst of tragedy, imperfection, disability and disease.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Marcel Proust: "The true voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."


Volume 1: Issue 4 Copyright 6/1/99

Do you have a stress hardy personality?

Years ago, researcher Suzanne Kobasa studied the key elements that make up a "Stress Hardy Personality." Stress hardiness is a measurement of our ability to stay healthy in the face of adversity and stress. Essentially, it is a form of "stress immunity." In her classic study, Kobasa looked at 161 business executives who were under large amounts of stress. She found that those who stayed healthy judged their stresses differently than those who became ill. The healthy individuals had a capacity for what she called "optimistic cognitive appraisal." This capacity has come to be known as the STRESS HARDY PERSONALITY and is characterized by 3 C’s. They are:

1) COMMITMENT: Those executives who stayed well were committed to work and committed to family, but predominately they were committed to their own values, their sense of purpose and their inner life.

2) CONTROL: Healthy executives always displayed an attitude of control in their lives, so that even if they could not control the external events in their lives they were able to control their reactions to and beliefs about these events. And finally,

3) CHALLENGE: The healthy executives were able to view life’s difficulties and setbacks as a challenge and an opportunity for growth rather than something catastrophic.

By consciously paying attention to the 3 C’s, we can begin to build a stress hardy personality. When adversity strikes, we can take time to review where we stand on the 3 C’s. Take time now to think about something that really bothers you. Think about some situation that is really "stressing you out," and evaluate where you stand on the 3 C’s by asking yourself:

  1. WHAT AM I COMMITTED TO? Where do I stand on this issue? What are my values? What do I believe in? What am I willing to fight for? What is my purpose in life? How can I stay on purpose? What do I really value in my life? How can I strengthen my commitment to what I stand for, value and believe in?
  2. WHAT AM I IN CONTROL OF? Is there something I can do to alter or change this adverse situation? Is there someone I can talk to that can help? Is there some step I can take to help resolve the situation? If I cannot control what’s happening, can I control the way I am thinking or perceiving what’s happening? Can I change my attitude about what’s happening? Can I let go of having to control the situation, and just allow things to be? If I cannot change what’s happening, can I accept that I have no control over it? Can I accept my limitations? My humanness?
  3. WHAT IS THE CHALLENGE FOR ME IN THIS SITUATION? Can I see the positive benefit from this adverse situation? Can I find the blessing in what is happening? Can I become stronger from it? Can I see the opportunity for growth?

By asking ourselves these key questions, we can begin to use adversity as a way to build our inner strength and inner resolve. It may be hard at first, but with time, looking at every "bad" situation in the light of commitment, control and challenge will help us to move from stress to strength.

I caught an old Tom Hanks movie over the weekend called "A League Of Their Own" about the women’s baseball league during WWII. In the movie, Gena Davis, who was incredibly passionate and alive with her love for the game, was ready to quit the league because her husband returned from war with a minor injury and wanted to move back to Oregon. While trying to "sneak away", her coach Tom Hanks confronted her and asked her why she was leaving. She replied that with her husband coming home, things just became a little too hard. Tom Hanks replied "It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes you great."

I love that line: "The hard is what makes you great." So it is in dealing with the adversities of life. It’s hard to honestly examine our own attitudes and beliefs. It’s easier to blame things on other people or on external factors. But when we make the effort to face adversity with an open mind and a willingness to question and examine our level of commitment, control and challenge, we can begin to build a stress hardy personality. We can begin to use the "hard" to make us great. We can begin to use the stress to make us strong.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Deepak Chopra: "We are all co-creators of reality…our goal in life is not just to be bright, alert or imaginative, but to shape existence itself. It becomes every person’s choice to take responsibility for his own inner reality."


Volume 1: Issue 5   Copyright 7/1/99

Can we "learn" to become helpless?

One of the most respected researchers in healthy attitudes is Martin Seligman Ph.D., psychologist and author of Learned Optimism. Dr. Seligman studied a condition called "learned helplessness" and his initial observations were fascinating. He found that when dogs were given unavoidable, inescapable shocks, they seemed to give up. Then, when they were given a chance to escape the shocks by jumping over a low barrier, they acted helpless and continued to accept the shocks. It was as if the dogs actually learned to be helpless. IF the animals had the chance to escape from the start, they did not give up. They did not become helpless. They had the perception of control. They figured out that when given a shock they could find a way out.

Using his observations on learned helplessness, Dr. Seligman created a scale to measure this characteristic. He then devised an experiment where he rated 172 undergrads for learned helplessness. Then he accurately predicted which students would be sick the most. In another study of 13 patients with malignant melanoma, he showed that the absence of learned helplessness was a better predictor of survival than even the level of an immune predictor called Natural Killer Cell Activity (NKCA).

So, we must guard against learned helplessness and find ways to release ourselves from the unavoidable shocks of life. To become helpless is a learned phenomenon. Anything that is learned can be UN-learned. We can learn how to overcome our learned helplessness by taking steps to reduce our stress, take control of our environment and develop positive optimistic attitudes in life. Our ability to overcome learned helplessness does not rely on simple positive thinking. It relies more upon our ability to change the negative thinking and pessimistic beliefs we carry about ourselves when "bad" things happen to us. What Seligman found is that there are three conditions that characterize learned helplessness, called the 3 P’s:

  1. We tend to take things PERSONALLY and blame ourselves when bad things happen to us.
  2. We tend to think that because one bad thing happened in one area of our life, that this negativity will become PERVASIVE and affect all areas of our life.
  3. We tend to believe that this one bad thing that happened to us means that we are forever flawed in this area, and doomed to PERMANENT failure.

We can learn to overcome our helplessness by changing our negative beliefs and challenging the 3 P’s.

The way that we change our negative thinking to positive thinking is through the ABCDE method. First, when ADVERSITY hits us, we examine the BELIEFS we hold about that adversity. Then we look at the CONSEQUENCES of those BELIEFS. When we see the negative consequences of pessimistic and helpless beliefs, we DISPUTE them by rationally attacking the negative beliefs we hold. (We do this by challenging the three P’s. We learn not to take things so personally and attempt to find other explanations for the bad things that happen. We learn to see the limited nature of the adversity, realizing that it is not pervasive, but applies only to one small area of our lives. Lastly we attack the negative assumption that our problem is permanent by allowing ourselves to see the temporary nature of the adversity.) Finally when we overcome our learned helplessness by disputing the pessimistic and negative thinking, we allow ourselves to feel ENERGIZED by the new positive beliefs.

Here’s an example of the whole process. Johnny loses it at work and yells at one of his difficult and argumentative customers in public. Johnny has been a good worker in the past but when this happens he goes into panic and is sure he will lose his job. He apologizes to the customer and they reach a new understanding, but nevertheless, Johnny cannot let go of his anxiety about the situation. It continues to haunt him and deplete his energy and self-esteem. By writing out the ABCDE’s of the situation, Johnny can better address his learned helplessness and pessimism.

A: ADVERSITY: Johnny loses it at work and yells at a customer.

  1. BELIEFS: "I am out of my mind." "I don’t know how to get along with people."
  2. CONSEQUENCES (of his negative beliefs) "I’ll never be able to hold a job. I’m a loser. I’m sure I’ll be fired."
  3. DISPUTE: "I only lost it this one time. It’s never happened before. I didn’t sleep well last night and this was a really difficult customer. I can learn more about dealing with difficult customers so this doesn’t happen again. I am generally a respectful and ‘in-control’ person."
  4. ENERGIZE: Johnny feels better having attacked his irrationally negative beliefs about the situation and he stops taking the problem so personally, realizes it is a temporary setback (not permanent) and that it is limited to this one incident and is not pervasive.

Good luck with your ABCDE’s!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: David Whyte (Zen poet & author of The Heart Aroused) "We want the fire that warms but we refuse the fire that burns. Because we will not feel our grief fully, our full joy is also held from us."